Vonnies Health Spot

RELATIONSHIPS ARE DICEY THINGS

One of the most important skills one needs to learn in life is how to get along with others. You may be the most brilliant genius, but if your knowledge about how to build and keep relationships is lacking, I guarantee you most likely will limit your own development because of it. Kindness and diplomacy usually win out, but sometimes we need a little help. Following are some methods for handling different situations.

RESPONSES TO VERBAL ATTACKS
Advice from Nando Pelusi, PhD, psychologist in private practice, New York City:

➢    Ask the person what he/she is upset about. This shows that you want to communicate, not argue—and it puts the responsibility back on them.
➢    Concede one kernel of truth, if there is one, but deny the generalization. For example, if your brother calls you a screw-up, admit to one specific error but say that it does not represent everything you do.
➢    Take a guess at what you think the person is feeling. “You sound angry. I’m sorry you feel that way.” Do not blame.
➢    Resist the urge to win. Instead, listen and ask questions, which will ultimately help the other person independently arrive at a workable solution.

BETTER WRITTEN COMMUNICATION
From Justin Kruger, PhD, psychologist and associate professor of marketing at Stern School of Business, New York University, New York City, comes this advice: Be very careful with written communication, such as e-mail. It’s very easy for these messages to be misunderstood. Humor and sarcasm often fall flat, or worse, are taken literally as offensive statements. E-mail doesn’t convey tone of voice. The sender may have a tone in mind that conveys humor when composing the message, but that tone won’t be conveyed to recipients. One trick: Read a humorous or sarcastic memo out loud in a flat, nonhumorous tone. If it doesn’t sound like what you’re trying to convey, rewrite it.

CONVERSATION WITH THE HEARING IMPAIRED
Let’s face it. As the population grays, more and more of us will suffer from various degrees of hearing loss. It can be very frustrating to not know for sure if you’re being heard totally or to wonder if you’ve been misunderstood and it sometimes can have devastating effects. LifeLedger Tips, which assists caregivers via the Internet, www.lifeledger.com, gives some techniques to smooth the communication process.

➢    Eliminate background noise. Turn off the radio or television for the length of the conversation. You can always turn it back on when you’re finished.
➢    Sit at eye level in their line of vision. Look them in the eye when speaking. Facial expression goes a long way to enhance understanding.
➢    Ask if they can hear you. If not, change the pitch of your voice, not just the volume. Refrain from shouting, that is upsetting to both of you and it doesn’t improve communication at all.
➢    Show that you are listening in return. Look at them when they are speaking.
➢    Allow extra time for the hearing impaired person to respond.

HOW TO ENCOURAGE COOPERATION  
We often encounter people who are reluctant to do what we ask them to do, whether when dealing with a recalcitrant child or teenager, or with a member of the staff at work who resents your authority. Eric Knowles, professor of psychology at the University of Arkansas, Fayetteville, chief scientist at www.omegachange.com and co-editor of Resistance and Persuasion offers this advice. Say, “I know you may not want to do this, but ….” People are 29 percent more likely to grant a favor when the person asking uses this phrase. The reason is because you’ve shown that you understand that someone is reluctant empowers them to feel that they have a choice. They then can decide that it might not be such a bad thing to grant your request.

For more relationship tips, try www.bottomlinesecrets.com.

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Photo credits: angry couple-Jason Stitt; pouting girls-Elena Elisseevva

_______________________________________________________  Disclaimer: The purpose of this weblog is not to dispense medical advice nor in any way is meant to be construed as diagnostic or prescriptive. Always check with your physician before beginning any new program or trying any of the items discussed in the posts that appear on this site.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HAS FAR-REACHING & EXPENSIVE CONSEQUENCES, SOCIAL AS WELL AS MONETARY

Recent studies show that children who have suffered intimate partner violence (IPV), even if indirectly through watching their mother being abused, have higher medical needs than children who have not been exposed. Even if indirect exposure to violence occurred and ended while the child was still in the womb, medical needs remained higher than in people who had not experienced IPV.

The study, headed by principal investigator Robert S. Thompson, MD, senior investigator at Group Health Center for Health Studies in Seattle, Washington, processed 11 years of data. The study compared medical records and utilization data from 631 children of mothers with a history of IPV with those of 760 children whose mothers had not experienced IPV. The mothers participated in a randomly sampled telephone survey of Group Health female members aged 18 to 64 and provided the information regarding their lifetime history with IPV. The study defines IPV as both physical abuse (slapping, hitting, forced sex) and nonphysical abuse (threats, controlling behavior and chronic disparaging remarks).

“Children are the other victims when intimate partner violence occurs in the home,” said lead author Frederick P. Rivara, MD, MPH. “This study shows that children require more health care—especially for mental health—when their mothers are victims of such violence.”

Previous studies have shown that children exposed to IPV in the home have increased risk for many problems, including also being abused at home; school problems; poor health; risk-taking behavior; and becoming perpetrators of violence themselves. The current study is the largest ever to examine the link between mother’s exposure to IPV and their children’s health utilization and costs. The study is also unique in that it examined a large middle-class population and one that is very representative of Seattle.

The authors recommend that health-care providers routinely screen women for IPV and provide appropriate referrals to community agencies and mental health care both for mothers and children. The authors of the study state that such interventions are unlikely to be cost effective in the short term, because the victims’ increased health care utilization seems to be higher for years after IPV stops. “Nonetheless, such services are necessary to attend appropriately and responsibly to the long-term consequences of violence.”

“Intimate partner violence harms everyone in our society, and it must be viewed as not acceptable either for women or their children,” Rivara added.

Scientists from Group Health Center for Health Studies, Harborview Injury Prevention and Research Center, and Seattle Children’s Hospital Research Institute conducted the study, which appeared in the journal Pediatrics. The research was funded by the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, the Health Services arm of the US Department of Health and Human Services.

In addition to Rivara, authors of the paper include: Melissa L. Anderson, MS; Paul Fishman, PhD; Robert J. Reid, MD, PhD; David Carrell, PhD; Robert S. Thompson, MD; and Amy Bonomi, now at Ohio State University.

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this weblog is not to dispense medical advice nor in any way is meant to be construed as diagnostic or prescriptive. Always check with your physician before beginning any new program or trying any of the items discussed in the posts that appear on this site.